JOHN CARROLL'S "FANTASTIK"

Buy a deck of cards. Preferrably red, definitely the poker kind.
Buy a novel. Make it long. Stephen King or Nick Hornby would be good.
Buy a thin marker. Buy a big marker.
Buy ink that you can touch.
If you get a one, pick a word from page one. Cross out every occurrence of it in the book.
If you get a two, pick two words from page two. Cross out every occurrence of it in the book.
If you get a three, pick three words from page three. Cross out every occurrence of it in the book.
If you get a four, pick four words from page four. Cross out every occurrence of it in the book.
If you get a five, pick five words from page five and write one on each of the next five pages. Use that big marker.
If you get a six, remove every occurrence of the word "never" on six pages. You can't use pages without the word "never."
If you get a seven, dip your thumb in ink and stick it on the next seven pages from where you left off.
If you get an eight, cross out all brand names on eight pages. You can't use pages without at least one brand name.
If you get a nine, string together pairs of words that rhyme. Cross out words that get in the way. Do this on nine pages.
If you get a ten, let ten friends remove a page each.

Now might be a good time to tell you and your friends not to mess with what's been messed with.

If you get a Jack, cross out any male names on ten pages. The ten pages must have at least one male name each.
If you get a Queen, cross out any female names on ten pages. The ten pages must have at least one female name each.
If you get a King, lick ten pages. You must lick longer on each page. Do not lick on the same page twice.

If you get a Joker, reshuffle the deck and start over. And remove one Joker.